Coaching Youth Basketball - Chapter 23

Chapter 23 - No Weak Sisters Allowed!

Posting this a chapter at a time is a blessing in disguise at times. I got an e-mail from a woman who is taking over her daughter's 5th grade team. She's been reading this book on the web and e-mails me. Her e-mail reminds me of just how stupid I am for overlooking some real basic things that are essential for beginning coaches . Because I am posting this a chapter at a time, I can correct this stupidity just by adding a chapter here or there. The cool thing is that you, the reader, will never know this chapter wasn't in the original grand design. So I won't tell anyone if you don't!!!

Anyhow, Julie is taking over her daughter's team and has decided that teaching them is going to be her #1 priority. She is going to write them an introductory letter giving the players and parents some info on LS times and stuff. She e-mails asking me if she should announce her intentions to teach the kids rather than worry about winning? From the way this was written, I think that she had a hard time deciding whether to leave in the part in about winning.

On the surface this is such a logical question that I'm sure a lot of you beginning coaches would have asked it yourselves. So why am I stupid? I blame it all on my - - all kidding aside, I need to clarify a major point here. Yes, I have been preaching teaching over winning at the youth level, but this is where we've got to play "I've Got a Secret!" NEVER EVER TELL ANYONE YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT WINNING. Everyone loves a winner. The whole world loves a winner. No one wants to be on a losing team.

If you are a woman coaching a team, you have just entered a predominately male arena. The last thing you need to appear is WEAK. No bleeding heart liberals are allowed on the court, is the motto of most coaches. Remember that lovable but untrue statement, "No pain, no gain?" A guy thought that up. Most male coaches, not all but most, should have been born before women got the vote. At least they act this way. They will say nice things to you, and gut you when you turn your back to them. If your team beats their team, you just became a candidate for bitch of the year. This is the arena you have entered. My job is to help you avoid excess grief and make your life simpler.

Now if you are a guy who espouses the "Let's not worry about winning" attitude, your sexual preferences will be questioned, to say the least.

Whether you are male or female, you can't tell anyone you don't care about winning. Your players won't try as hard, and their parents won't support you. Even your own child will cop an attitude on you. So here's an example of AN INTRODUCTORY STATEMENT YOU CAN MAKE.

This year we are going to be changing our priorities a bit. My job as your coach is going to be to TEACH MY PLAYERS ENOUGH TO WIN. My #2 priority is to teach them the morals and values that sports and good sportsmanlike conduct provide, morals and values they will be able to use for the rest of their lives.

My players priorities are to learn enough to win, and still have as much fun as they can, IN A STRUCTURED SETTING..

The parents job is to support their CHILD, the team, and the coach in all of their endeavors. In order to accomplish this, we need to change the way we think and changing our vocabulary will help accomplish this. We will not have practices, we will have Learning Sessions. I prefer not to be called Mr. Riley, or even Coach, I would prefer it if the kids called me Teach, a nickname for teacher.etc. etc. etc.

Do you get the big picture? You have just proclaimed to the world that your mission in life is to teach these kids how to play basketball. A derivative from the Field of Dreams is "If you teach them, they will win!" So there is absolutely no reason to announce that your priority is to teach, rather than to win.

As a coach you must be confident, but not cocky. You must be strong, but understanding. Fun loving, yet focused. The one thing you need to know is that over the doorway of every gym is an invisible sign. This universal, yet invisible sign reads, "NO WEAK SISTERS ALLOWED!!" You can be a teacher and still honor the sign, this I promise you.

Julie, I want to publicly thank you for opening my eyes to some things I would normally have overlooked. Thank-you!!